God is so faithful...

Where to start!! The Lord has been so gracious to me and Tim and for that I am more than thankful! What an amazing God we serve. My car COMPLETELY died two weeks ago...thankfull I was not driving it when it happened. I had to leave work to go get Tim who was using it at the time. That was the last time the ghetto clunker was ever driven. I was starting to get really stressed because Tim did not have a job and we could NOT afford a car payment. I prayed and waitied. I went out of town for work last Sunday and I got home Friday. I was so excited to hear while I was gone that Tim got a job!! Wahoo and he started on Friday. Another gracious blessing from my Lord. I arrived home and got to see my daddy who is in town until March 25th. YAY! Tim called on Saturday with the news that his grandfather died. It has been really hard on the family. We went to Macen's first belt testing in Karate Saturday afternoon and then we got a call from his parents to see if we would like to do dinner and of course we said yes. In the car on the way Tim's parents explained how they were going to give me his grandfather's car and get it fixed up so it is in like new condition and they are going to fix the problems on Tim's car! WOW! What an amazing gift from them! That saved us well over $10,000 that we did not have. I am so thankful to have a Lord who provides and even though I do not deserve it he willingly gives. I know my God is an amazing God who will always provide for his children. I am so glad. Last week was not good for me food wise, I did however become an insurance agent! whoop whoop! Go me! I started back on with my weight loss plan today. :) I hope this week turns out to be just as amazing as this past weekend! I love my Lord!! :)

Welcome Back Meagan...

So long ghetto mobile...you will be missed!

I know it has been a while since I have been on the blog, but I am BACK! Life has been really hectic lately and it has taken everything in my power not to freak out! Tim got back and we are still having trouble finding him a job and then yesterday my car died...like completely. No bringing it back to life...no nothing! That made matters a little more difficult but I know God is working through this. It is insane to think how life seemed so wonderful just before Christmas and since then it has been one thing after another. I feel like I am super stressed. To top it all off it is finals week...oh my lanta! Well, enough complaning...it is good to have this blog where I can just go and get out all of my worries and frustrations. Why is it so hard in times like these to trust the Lord? Why does life seem to get in the way of obediance and discipline? I am tired of letting it. How can I be trusting the Lord if all I am doing is worrying about how he is going to do what he says he is going to do? The same God that saved me at the age of 19, and changed me from a rebellious, lost and mean girl, to someone who no longer desires the way of the world, why can it be so hard to trust even when his deeds and love are staring me in the face? I know he is amazing and I have seen what he has done and what he has allowed. He has changed me and even though I am flawed and broken, he still sustains my everything, and he still is guiding me to what he wants. I guess the waiting is the hardest. I am not super worried, I just get moments where it is like...really!? Are you serious? Who am I to even question what he is doing though? He is a God who knows all and he is a God who is far greater than I will or can ever be. I am trusting the Lord, and I am praying that his timing will be soon. I am also praying for patience in this time, to continue to trust him, day by day. I know he will not fail me. I have continued working out. I started back cycling this week...it feels wonderful to be back! :) I love it. I need to keep focused on my goals. I lost 7 more pounds... I can do better. I can lose more. :)

He's home...He's home!

yay! He is here!!

He is finally home!! :) I am so so so happy! Pastor Bill picked him up around noon Tuesday, took him to lunch, and then to the church to fill out paperwork for a new job. I waited anxiously to see him. He was supposed to be in town earlier so I set up a "while meagan is at work" basket of entertainment and food, but he was done around 5 when I got off. I was so anxious to see my Timothy ALL DAY! I was wondering when he was going to be in town and when I would see him. When he was finally done with everything pastor Bill dropped him off at my office. When I saw the truck pull up my heart leaped! I was so so so excited. I walked outside and I saw the truck door fling open and Tim came running to me. He gave me the biggest and best hug I ever received. I was at a loss for words when I saw him. All I could say was "thank you" over and over again to pastor bill. I know he got a kick out of that. I was shaking when I saw him because it was just so overwhelming the emotions I was feeling. WOW! It is just so crazy to me that he is now home. I get excited everytime I remember that...and then I have to remind myself that it is not weird. I mean it is going to take some getting used to being with him again...in person. I am so so so glad he is back. We can pick up, dust off our shoulders, and move on. We have had to make many decisions lately and that can be a little overwhelming. Now it is time to really focus on what the Lord wants us to do and what we need to do to get where we are going. The talks can be pretty intense, not in a bad way, reality just hits when you discuss matters like finances, living situations, future plans, etc. It is not black and white or cut and dry. I guess that is always a part of growing up. You have to make big decisions like that. With the wedding being a little less than 6 months away it seems to be crunch time. Everything will be ok though. I am not worried. My God is bigger than I am and he already has a plan laid out for us. No need to worry.

24-hours away...

I am SO excited!!!!!!

My Timothy Kyle is coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhh! I am so happy. When he called me yesterday to tell me that he will be home on Tuesday, it took EVERYTHING in my power not to cry, squeal, and jump on my bed in excitement! I am so glad that today is the last day that I will have to go without being in contact with my beloved. wahoo! I guess starting Thursday, because of course I will blog about his arrival, this will become my wedding blog again. I really do not think I have ever been so excited in my entire life. I went to the store on my lunch break today to get a few things for his arrival. I went to Border's and got his favorite Muscle Magazine and then I went to target to get him a new pair of pj pants, some socks, a shirt, and then some candy. He told me on the phone that he has been craving chocolate, which is weird, so I got him a multi pack of snickers and twix. He mentioned both on the phone. Now after work I just need to go to Walmart and get something for him to eat for lunch tomorrow, a card, a bag and some underwear. He is heading straight to my house after Pastor Bill picks him up tomorrow so I want him to be in new, clean, and comfortable clothes. As soon as I get off, however, I will go and get my nails done because Tim loves when they are done and then head home and get my room ready. I am just so excited. I really hope today and the work day tomorrow fly by!! I am so happy to see the love of my life again. Now he can come home and we can move on. I cannot believe we have 6 1/2 months left until we get married! Time sure does fly.

Valentines weekend...

Today is my first, and hopefully last, Valentines day without my Timothy. I miss him so much every day...but the days like today when LOVE is shouted from the roof tops that makes me miss him so much more. I know he is lonely today and it makes

me very sad. I atleast have those who love and support us here

beside me. He has no one. I hate that. I hate knowing he is anything but happy. I cannot wait for him to get home. I cannot wait to wrap my arms around his neck and tell him face to face how much I missed him and love him. That day should be coming on Tuesday or Wednesday! I cannot wait. This weekend has been pretty great. I got snowed in at the Marlette's house on Friday, along with the Marlette's, Rachel, Trey and Robert. We had a pretty good time playing in the snow. I was terrified to drive after my car kept sliding on the ice. Tim actually called me when I was stopped at a red light, freaking out, and calmed me down enough to make it to the Marlettes. It was not bad driving near my house but the closer I got to their house the more dangerous it got and there was no way I was turning around. It was really good to catch up with Rachel too. She is such a doll. Saturday, I woke up around 6:30 and Micah came strolling down the stairs (I slept on the couch), bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6:45. He was so excited about how much snow we got! IN GEORGIA! It was wonderful. Pastor Bill cooked us a really good breakfast and we headed back out to play in the snow before it melted. When we made it back in we watched The Chronicles of Narnia, but for some reason I was too anxious to really watch it. Because I did not know I would be stuck at the Marlette's house I did not bring any of my things with me so my phone died. I think I was anxious because I thought that if Tim got the opportunity to call he would not get ahold of me because my phone was dead. Then I started thinking of how lonely he must be...so I got myself worked up over nothing. When I left I went and got a few valetines for my family and then headed on home. When I finally got my phone charged, Tim called like 5 minuted later. Good timing. He is trusting the Lord, but I can tell that being around non-belivers 24-7 is starting to drain him. He still knows why he is there and is still focused, but I can tell he is struggling because he has no one there he can relate to or someone that has the same values as him. I couldn't imagine how spiritually draining that can be. He is standing firm though and not backing down any time he gets the chance to share the gospel. It was wonderful talking to him though. He said that he gets recharged when he hears my voice on the other end of the phone. That is so comforting to me. I really do adore that man and love him so much. I do not know where the Lord is leading us but I am so confident that I have the most amazing man walking beside me through it all. I do not know how everything is going to pan out when he gets back but I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to do. The Lord has been so good to us. He saved us, the changed us, he showed us grace and mercy, he brought us together, and he is showing us where he wants us to go. I am so glad to know that. I love my Lord and my Timbo. Happy Valentines Day!

the holding cell

Tim is coming home soon!!

Today is a big day for Tim! He signed the last of his papers yesterday and will be moved to the "holding cell" today, where the guys who are shipping home stay. We are expecting him to be home on Wednesday and we are so excited. It would probably be sooner if Monday was not a holiday...but hey...he is getting paid. In the holding cell they are unable to use their cell phones which stinks but it is ok, he can use that crappy pay phone. He has been able to find a decent one the last couple of times...and by decent I mean that static only comes every three minutes to the usual every one minute. God has been really merciful to us and for that I am so thankful. I am so glad that the Lord is who He says He is...and because He is who He says He is everything else shouldn't matter. If HE is, then I don't have to worry about any of his promises or his guidance or anything. The name itself gives me comfort, because if I believe He is who He says He is, then I can believe everything else. That makes my heart very happy. I finally got a good nights rest last night... I was actually asleep before 9pm. WOW! I don't think I have ever been to bed that early, unless I was a child or I was sick. It felt really good to wake up on my own this morning and to not be rushed. I enjoyed going to the Valentines Dinner with my date last night, the coolest 9 year old around, Micah Marlette and his family! They are such wonderful people! I adore that family so much. I am so glad that Tim has them for the support that he needs. That means so much. The Lord really has blessed us at Curtis Baptist. The people are lovely and the preaching is solid. What more can you ask for? I do wish we could build up a younger adult group...all in my prayers though. The Lord will work and use us where he wants us. I cannot believe it is almost midway through February! ah. 6 1/2 months until I am Mrs. Cross! whoop whoop! :)

oh my lanta...

So, this week has been pretty down. I have been getting sick and I have been extremely exhausted. I haven't even spent time in the gym or really watched what I have eaten. I need to get back into that mindset and remember why I am doing this. I feel this cold coming on and today it has gotten pretty bad. My throat is swollen, my lymph nodes are swollen, I have a headache and my ears hurt. Typical cold for me. I have been trying to make the best of it and try to get better...but it really is taking it out of me. I have been so exhausted! Tim is getting over his sickness...kind of funny we both are sick right now and we do not have eachother to help take care of us. I spoke with him a little yesterday, his spirits are really low right now because he is surrounded by spiritually dead people. It has drained him to be around them because their words are not wholesome, uplifting, or even courteous. They only talk about vile and disgusting things. He doesn't really have anyone to talk to (because of what they talk about) and he has not eaten well at all. He eats breakfast and then 2 grilled cheese for lunch and 2 grilled cheese for dinner. For a man...that is NOT a lot! Poor thing. He did however sign his discharge form yesterday, so he should get moved to the ship out bunk early next week, and be home by friday of next week. Fingers crossed! Hopefully he will be home soon. We have both been a little consumed with worry...but we are trusting the Lord. How hard it can be to walk out the faith we profess. We know God is working for our benefit and he will provide. It is just so hard trusting that sometime. I do trust it though. God has only been good to us and he will continue. Prayers needed though for the two of us this time because we are worried and sick. All is well though. :)

Bridesmaid dinner! :)

Bridesmaid Dinner

Finally! February 6,2010 came. It seems like time has flown by since I sent out the invitations for my party. It was really exciting to see all of my favorite girls, minus one, Jennifer, for my bridesmaid dinner. Saturday was insanely busy and I am super exhausted now. It started at 5am studying with my sister for our Sociology test, then we had to take the test, then off to the Augusta Care Pregnancy Center to volunteer, followed by lunch, getting flowers, heading home, getting everything ready, taking a shower, off to David's Bridal...and then the dinner. It did not take long to pick out the dresses... I already kind of knew what I wanted. Below are the colors.

My Sister and Rose
These are not the dresses they will be wearing, but those are the colors. My sisters will be wearing the lighter blue with the navy sash and my bridesmaids will be wearing the navy with the light blue sash. It is crazy to see how fast time is going by...but I am super eager and excited for my wedding day in less than 7 months.

The cake table, sherbert bowls, and the cookies Kim made!
I am just really glad to have the friends that I do! My Maid of Honor Rose really went above and beyond! She made the cake (picture above), which was beautiful and yummy, the orange sherbert bowls, my mother and my bows, dealt with the florist for me, and helped with setup. Kim was also a big help! She brought the chair covers, made the adorable cookies (pictured above), and took pictures for the evening! My mom was also super awesome! She went above and beyond with the cleaning and the food preparation and purchase. It really was a wonderful day and I am so glad my friends could spend it with me. It could not have been more beautiful and memorable! What a good start to the wedding festivities! Also, I was really sad Jen could not be there...but her mom helped me out a lot with some of the serving plates.
The Lord has really blessed me with such wonderful friends and a wonderful family! I am so glad that people really did care about me and want to be there for me. It helped keep my mind off of "the real world." I just really enjoyed seeing my girls. Life has been so busy that I feel like it has been harder to find the time...but I know I need to. I am glad they are supportive and understanding.



Me,My Mom & Sisters, Me & Rose my maid of honor, the bow Rose made for me
I got to speak to Tim this weekend. He is in need of your prayers. Things are looking pretty bleak and he is just ready to come home. He had to go to the ER last night because he has gotten pretty sick. He should be ok soon though. He had about 5 guys at his Bible Study yesterday (Praise the Lord) and he went over some scriptures in John, what it means to be saved, and the bridge diagram. Please pray for these men there. Overall, life is good! Cannot wait to see what else the Lord is going to do!

I will not fear the path before me...

"Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him...The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them." Psalm 25:12; 14

I am glad to say that I got to hear from my Timothy last night. Well, not really hear...the pay phones they can use are HORRIBLE and you can't understand them. It sounds like someone who has really bad signal on a cell phone. I got to talk to him though for about 45 minutes last night. 15 of it I could understand. The Lord really is doing some amazing things. Since I talked to him last on Sunday he has been able to continue to share the gospel. He told me of 4 guys that are really interested and even went and bought Bibles. That makes my heart leap with excitement to see that the Lord is working in these men's hearts and they want to understand and grasp on to it. They want to have what Tim has. On Monday they are planning on meeting up for a Bible study and I cannot wait to hear about what the Lord is doing. I am just so overly joyed to see him doing what he was purposed for and to see how the Lord is using him. It is great to see how a situation that could seem so crappy (getting discharged...being stuck in barracks for a month...cant see friends or family...worrying about a job when he gets home...etc) into something so wonderful. That is the thing....it was wonderful all along. The Lord wanted Tim there to share the gospel...we just thought he was there to be a soldier. It is amazing to see how as humans we can limit so much because we just do not know why the Lord is doing what he is doing. We are so extremely excited to see where the Lord is taking us and right now it is time to be still and follow him. I am probably the hardest person to be still, but I know my Lord is working and I need to follow him. I need a willing spirit and I am ready for whatever His will is. There are big decisions for us to make coming up and I pray for the Lord's guidance and wisdom to follow his will regardless of mine. He is good. His path is right and I want to follow him always.I will not fear the world, but I will follow Christ to where he has me, I will fear Him.

Grace Abounds

I wish my heart was as calm as this picture!

Woke up today wondering. I haven't heard from Tim since Sunday, which is not too long, but he had an appointment that was very important on Monday. I am just so curious to what is going on. I knew i needed to get out of bed and start my day, but I couldnt...just ten minutes longer. I am trying not to worry but I am. I know God is in control, but being the "go getter" I am, it is very hard to just sit back and wait. I miss Tim, but I know why he is there, so I am waiting for the Lord's time. My studies this week will be in Psalm 27 so that should grant me some comfort that no matter what I did, who I am, where I am from, the Lord is still faithful. The verse I am trying to remember this week is,

"Hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek His face!" Your face Lord I will seek." Psalm 27: 7-8

I wonder though, why is that verse so hard lived? Why is it so much easier to worry and pace around than to seek HIS face. I think once again it is those ignorant little things called pride and fear. Why is it that we honestly think we can do this better? Why do we think that he is not going to work? I have always struggled in understanding grace. Growing up we worked for what we got and my dad has always stressed that and it is something that I cherish and I am thankful for. I know that the Lord gives gracefully, mercifully, and without reproof. So, who am I to think that he would do that for everyone but me? I am his child, so not by a long shot. I do not want to do that. I want to show obediance and humility to let the Lord work in the way he pleases. When my flesh may fail he will not fail me. I pray today brings on good things and a peace from the Lord. I really need that peace today!

Tim's Basic Mission Field

The past 3 days have been pretty tough with trying to figure out where to go from here. The Lord opened so many doors to close them. I am so thankful though. I find at times that I get scared worrying about finances and what are we going to do...we are getting married in 7 months! I am then brought to question...why am I worrying? That is not my worry to have. Do I trust God? Of course! So, I am comforted to see that the Lord has provided strength that I do not have. I just have to battle my flesh daily and surrender it to Christ. That really is freeing. It seems like Tim and I have been given fresh eyes. We do not look at the situation as though we are in trouble or that God is not working. We see the Lord's plan and will is for all of this to happen and I am overjoyed by that. The best part is that he is there doing the Lords will and his motivations are evident. Tim has been placed in barracks with very hurting and broken men. They all were discharged medically and have all lost their dreams of being a soldier in the United States Army. Tim has looked at this as an opportunity to share the gospel and it has been amazing how the Lord has used him. The first night there they were placed in a hotel and he was able to share the gospel with his roomate for a couple of hours, how exciting. Each day on he has been able to share the gospel. Yesterday was an amazing day though. Some guys were talking about politics and Tim got in the conversation and before he knew it it turned into a gospel conversation. He told me that he did not know how it happened but for almost 2 hours he was able to share the gospel with the WHOLE platoon! One guy was not happy about it and told Tim to shut up. Tim said, "man, I have sat here all week listening to your vulgar talk, you are not going to get me to stop sharing the gospel." GO TIM! After the conversation he had to go to formation and his battle buddy was that same man that flat out rejected hearing the gospel. Tim got to hear some of his story and let him know that he would be praying for him. I was so excited to see what God was doing over there. He sent Tim there for a reason, as we all know, and we knew that was where he was supposed to go, we just did not know why he was sent there. We thought he was sent to be a soldier but he was not...he was sent to share the gospel! How exciting. Last night while reading the Bible he said another man came up to him because he wanted to know more about the gospel and he was able to share with him and pray for him. I am just so elated to see the Lord working! I am glad to see that in this circumstance and time of uncertainty of what the Lord will do, it is evident that he is working. I am so proud to be getting married to a man that loves the Lord so much. I am so glad that I have a God like I do. That no matter how hard we look we can never truly see the big picture of what he is doing. I told Tim to quit looking inward but look outward...and look at what the Lord is doing. Please be in prayer for all of these men and for Tim. It has been so exciting to see the Lord work. I do not know what we are going to do when he gets back but I am not scared. I see the Lord has it all under control and I am content waiting to see how he is going to work. I love my God and my Tim.

What is the Lord doing here?

Today on my way home from weighing in I got a phone call. I looked down and it was my beloved! What a shock! I was so excited to see his name light up on the phone. That quickly turned to sadness as I heard a broken man on the other side of the phone. I thought it was a little weird that he was calling but I listened. I listened as he told me that he was medically discharged today for his anxiety. I was a little confused because he told me just yesterday that they okayed him, even though they knew he had anxiety. He was so lost and so confused. My heart broke for him as I listened to his voice on the phone. All I thought was, what are you doing Lord? What is going on here? We thought this was your plan for us? Those questions quickly turned as I listened to Tim. All I know is that I was calm and understanding. I was at peace because I knew that God was in control. As I sat in the Subway parking lot for an hour I just grew more confident in God's sovereignty. I do not know what he is doing but I know this is not an easy one. I know this is going to be a hard road of recovery. My poor man. My heart breaks because his does, but I am not upset with the outcome. It seemed like what we wanted to do but it seems it is not in the cards for us. What are we going to do, I am not sure. I do know, however, that God is in control and he is working. The verses I studied this morning are totally worth taking another look at right now, little did I know this morning that the verses will be used for a different trial.

In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence 13 I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are for your glory." Ephesians 3:12-13

what a day already...and I am just getting started.

Woke up early this morning alive and content. Determination is going to be my middle name for the next ten weeks. As some of you know I have started to really try to cut down on the weight I have gained over these past couple of years. I have started a workout routine where I work out Monday- Friday and rest on Saturday and Sunday. I go to spin class mwf at 6am and th @ 545p. I am also starting group power on t & th at 5:30a. I missed working out like this and even though it is hard I have been determined to get back in the shape I was in a few years ago. I told Tim that I would work my hardest to lose 10lbs while he was gone. I am confident in my ability to do this, considering I lose weight pretty quickly. Spinning has been really intense but I give all I can and push as hard as I can, thinking of Tim keeps me motivated. The time also keeps me motivated. I know when I walk in that class at 545--they can only put me through torture until 645. I am really excited about it. I dont know why I ever really got out of it, considering I love to work out. Tim starts basic today and I pray he is doing well. I know he can do it. The Lord has been good to me again. During my quiet time today I came across the perfect verse for what we are going through: "In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory." Ephesians 3:12-13. That was the best verse I have come across in a really long time. I think of the father, open arms, ready for me to just jump up and tell him all that I am going through. He does not limit us to anything when we are coming to him. He is such a loving, merciful, and comforting God. The freedom in that. The freedom to come to a God who not only already knows our hurts, dreams, sins, but he welcomes us in, in full love. A love I cannot truly comprehend but I know it is there. He is so gracious. I pray today is a good day. Momma left for a much needed women's retreat today, so I will have the kids. It should be a good weekend. I miss my Tim but I know he is being taken care of by the father, and for that I am greatful and in love.

The Silence Begins...

I got my last call from my beloved tonight. I know it is the last call because they ship out to the actual Basic headquarters tomorrow. He is in good spirits other than getting choked up every once and a while. He got a new glove! Thank the Lord, he is so good. He sent me a text about 10 mins ago and said his phone was about to die...no response after....literally silence. I just have to make it through 4 weeks and then hopefully I can hear that sweet voice again. It is sad but also exciting that the journey is already beginning and he will be home soon enough. He apparently is in a platoon of a bunch of immature kids and he is pretty upset by that. He said today 2 guys mouthed off to a drill sargeant...not a good move for the guys or their platoons. I wish people would drop their pride and remember other people. That is the way the world is though and it is sad. I am so calmed by the peace the Lord has given me...even now during the silence. It is a beautiful kind of peace. Something that I could not give to myself. It is a wonderful gift. He told me he has been too busy to write but he has gotten up everyday to have a quiet time before. That thrilled my heart and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for his reliance on Christ. He is supposed to ship out at 3am tomorrow to go to the basic headquarters and he said he was going to get in the word before, so I know he is tired. The Lord will give him the energy he needs though. I am confident in that. I love him so dearly and I cannot wait to be is wife. It seems like the days will not come soon enough, and yet I am thankful for this time of growth ,so I can be the wife I need to be and he can be the husband he needs to be. Growth in this process is so crucial. God's timing is beautiful and I wouldn't change what he was doing for the world.

1:35 am

Today is a good day. I was given the chance to talk to my beloved last night for 8 mins & 24 seconds. He was just allowed to call and tell me he was doing ok, he loved me, and that he needed me to take care of a few things for him and pray for his missing glove. After that phone call I finally got some rest. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and when I looked at my phone I had a missed call from him and a missed text. I was devistated. I was told last night was his last phone call. I guess while in processing they do not know when their last phone call is until Monday when they get taken away. I was so upset when I saw that I missed his call. I tried to call back, but I knew I would not get him, he had already been processing for at least an hour. I am praying for another call tonight. They are so comforting. He was pretty upset about this glove that he was issued and is missing. He asked me to pray for that because he was going to get yelled at because it is missing. It is sad and quite humerous. He did not ask for any prayer but for that glove. I know he is hurting though, just like me. The text I got broke my heart and I wish I could go back in time and be awake when he was to comfort him in that time. It is sweet to know that even though I cannot, someone is, my God. I can only pray for his peace, protection, and contentment in this time, he cannot find comfort in me. I cannot take the hurt away, not from him or me, but God can provide comfort to make it through. That is a sobering thought. I feel I am doing well today. I had a really hard time yesterday when I got off work. I realized it would be the first time going to Curtis without my beloved and I couldnt stand it. I ate in my office, what I had an apple and oatmeal, because I did not want to eat alone. It is silly how something like that can make your whole world crumble. My world shattered yesterday. I finally got the courage to move and I headed to church. I sat in the parking lot for quite a while before I could get the strength to go in. I finally got out of my car and made my way straight for Pastor Bill's office. I did not pass go, I did not collect 200 dollars, I just had a mission- to make it to his office without crying. I did that and when I finally got there and I saw him I lost it. I am so overjoyed by their friendship. They sat with me all last night and just talked to me about anything but what Tim is going through...well a little about that...but they just laughed with me. It felt good to laugh. It was the best thing anyone could do for me. I have such a special place in my heart for that family and Tim does as well. The Lord has been so gracious in providing them. The Lord has been so comforting and that is so sweet. I am so glad that I have a God that already knows my thoughts, my pain, everything, and is guiding me through it. No one could do that for me, not even Tim, just my Lord. I am so glad I have a God that loves me so! I pray for Tim's strength and comfort in this time. I pray that he clings to the cross no matter what and loves the Lord regardless of the circumstance. I love my Timothy and I cannot wait to marry him. Come February 4th it will be 7 months away! AH! I cannot wait.

Sweet Sadness but total contentment

Well, I am back to blogging. This past week I have been preparing for Tim's departure, which was this past Monday. I am still trying to cope and I have learned two things; 1) that I now hate my phone and 2) that I now hate the clock. The two of those I can do without these next ten weeks. I surprisingly do not hate the calendar...seeing the things I have upcoming and how busy I am gets me excited. It makes me happy knowing that I will not have too much time on my hands to be sad and mopey. I am comforted however in knowing Tim is doing the Lords will and that he is confident in that. I am also confident in that. This time is going to be such a hard and sweet time waiting and clinging to Christ. That is a sweet kind of sadness. I hate the silence. That is hard. On a lighter note, I am excited for the bridesmaid dinner next weekend! I have posted a picture of the card I sent to all of my vip ladies. I think planning for that and getting ready for that next week will be something to pass the time. I am super excited about it. I really hope it is a wonderful time for the ladies as well as myself. I am sad that my Jen will not be able to make it...but that is ok. She will be missed. The colors for the dinner are orange and fuscia... totally not like the colors for our wedding. I just wanted to do something funky this time. I also have been working out really hard to drop some of this weight. Since Tim will be working and struggling so hard at Basic, I promised him that I would try my best to drop 10lbs while he is gone. I am excited about that goal because it keeps me determined and benefits me in the long run. My favorite new exercise routine is Spinning! It is the hardest but most fun I have ever had working out. Debating on going to cycling tonight or Kickboxing. I also started a new Bible study called "making peace with your past." It looks like a really good one and I am excited already. I have only done one lesson and I will do the second today, but it already looks like a good one. I am so excited for what the Lord is doing in my life. He has been so comforting these past two days and for that I am so thankful. He has given me the strength I did not have and I am so grateful. Wedding planning is still a go...just a slow go. Come Friday I will have the damage deposit paid for the reception so that will be completely taken care of! I also cannot wait for the girls to finally get their dresses next week! whoop whoop! That will further the process along. Catering payments are starting so that will be my main focus for the next couple of months. AHH!

I cannot belive it has been 5 months...

Sometimes it feels like this wedding will never get here and then there are times when I sit back and think...WOW it has been 5 months since wedding planning has started. With almost 7 months to go I get a reality check to see how fast time really can fly, even when it is dragging. Quite the contradiction. I am quite proud though, in this short time, the church has been paid off, the reception has been paid off, the dress, shoes and undergarmets have been paid off, catering is in the works. Very exciting. I love to have things paid off early... I do not want to have that added stress on my wedding day. It has been really good planning for my bridesmaid dinner on Feb. 6th, it keeps my mind off of Tim's future absence for almost 3 months. I know it is early, but we have to go ahead and get a dress for them that we can all agree on. Why not just do it all in one day rather than getting people to travel back multiple weekends. I am still trying to figure out what people spend so much money on when planning for a wedding. It is mind blowing and to me it is also foolish. Why go spend 15,000-20,000 on ONE day when you could spend less than 5,000 a celebration that is just as elegant and does not have the added bonus of debt? Different things for different people I guess.